Monday, January 29, 2007 @ 3:56 AM
  "Your destiny is changing, be careful of sexual appeal."
- that's what my fortune cookie said.
:S
sounds so scary.
when my mom read it, she was like "don't go around attracting the wrong type of guys".
:S x2.
she makes me feel like someone is gonna rape me or something.
:S x3!
very freaky.
i don't want my destiny to change!
i have my whole destiny mapped out for me!
NOOOOOOOOOOO
:(
Sunday, January 28, 2007 @ 6:58 PM
  .:CAPRICORN:. The passionate Lover
Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Can predict the future. Irrestible. Awesome kisser. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. BY FAR THE BEST IN BED. Very sexy. Coolest. Loves to own Gemini's in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Loves to be your first. So you'll never forget. Smart.
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA
Friday, January 26, 2007 @ 9:01 PM
  mom.
i love you.
but.
i need you to give me some space.
please.
reading emails?
snooping around about me?
that's too much.
i can take care of myself.
yes, i made some stupid decisions and i made some mistakes.
but you have got to trust me.
i've learnt from my mistakes.
i won't make the same mistakes again.
if you don't trust me.
then maybe you shouldn't have sent me overseas.
cos its hard to live and worry about me 24/7.
i can take care of myself.
don't worry.
please...
Thursday, January 25, 2007 @ 2:57 AM
  wtf?
fob and gc are coming out with a new record in a few months?
infinity on high=feb '07
good morning revival=march '07
argh
and i'll be in friggin tassie
ggm aka goodness gracious me
i'm still buying them anywho
i'm not waiting to go back to singapore when two of my favourite bands in the whole wide world release their new amazingly beautiful albums
plus +++++ gc is having friggin M SHADOWS AND SYNYSTER GATES on their album
OMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFG
lol
sorry got a little carried away...
anyways
you put the greatest GUITAR GOD in metal and one of the most popular voices in metal today and ask them to collaborate with you and there's bound to be some real bangin' music
i already previewed one of the songs...the one with m shadows and synyster
it was omfg great x 1000000000000000000000
lol
i love it!
btw, apparently my fav guitar gods aka a7x are in the studio making a new album
even more reason to be excited
they're working with the same producer that did motley crue or pantera or something like that
omfg
thats gonna be one hell of an album
and after city of evil...
i dunno if my expectations are too high
Wednesday, January 24, 2007 @ 4:52 AM
  why is it that when you finally think that everything's going for you,
when you finally start feeling optimistic,
when you finally get better,
god takes all of it away from you and gives you a tight slap on the face?
my life is permanently ruined
let me die
please.
i'm begging you
i'm too much of a coward to do it myself
ugh
i think i'm going crazy
seriously
i have no control over my actions anymore.
i just do things and later wonder why i did it
yay for you mom
thanks a lot.
Saturday, January 20, 2007 @ 6:59 PM
  BORING!there's nothing to do.
:(
Monday, January 15, 2007 @ 9:46 AM
  god.
just as i thought my life was getting better...
and i was becoming happier.
and more confident.
and started putting on some weight.
you had to destroy my appetite yet again.
thanks mom and dad.
you guys are acting like nothing happened last night.
well...
stuff did happen last night.
stop denying it.
you've hurt me so much.
my own parents.
thanks a lot.
and i thought i had a great relationship with you guys.
i guess i was wrong.
i'm really really hurt right now.
i binged today.
and tomorrow...
the food will say byebye.
:(
you make me hate myself.
Sunday, January 14, 2007 @ 7:13 PM
  ARGH I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP!i didn't raid your cupboard and take out any shampoo
for crying out loud
i can hear from upstairs.
and you don't need to ask erwin.
come and ask me yourself.
bitch.
i hate you.
[btw, it was ash. i saw her raiding your cupboard once or twice]
never thought of her, did you?
cos she's your little baby angel
@ 7:02 PM
  i feel like such a failure.
like nothing i've done is good enough for my parents.
they say that being depressed like that will affect my studies?
bullshit.
that is one thing that doesn't happen to me.
i don't let my personal life affect my work and studies.
and i have proof.
look at my school reports.
so how can you say that it's gonna affect my studies?
and you know, maybe you should start talking in private, or at least lowering your voice when you talk, mom.
i could hear everything that you were saying on the phone.
..."i don't know what she's trying to prove."
i'm not trying to prove anything mom.
i made a mistake.
you said i should just learn from my mistakes and move on.
and i've done that.
but it seems to be you who can't move on.
you're ruining my life.
i feel like a prisoner in this house.
i can't go anywhere alone.
i can't go out too often or you'll start making noise that i'm never at home to spend time with the family.
ashwin has brainwashed you mom.
and dad.
both of you think she's some sort of angel that descended from heaven and she's blessed and the best thing thats ever happened to this family.
you say she'll change.
how long have you been saying that?
for like forever.
and i haven't seen anything.
she hasn't changed one bit in my eyes.
not one bit.
she's exactly the same.
she's so angry with everyone.
she doesn't wanna be part of this family.
she hates of all us.
why do you think she only stayed for like 2 weeks and then went back?
cos she doesn't like singapore and she doesn't like staying in this house with us.
not cos she needs a job.
she shouldn't even have a job cos she can't deal with money.
it just slips out of her hands like soap.
she still hasn't told you where all the money you give her goes.
and you don't seem to want to ask her.
some mother you are.
@ 6:17 AM
  i'm sick of this.
i'm sick of my life.
i just wish everything would stop.
i feel betrayed.
i feel used.
like the only reason why they talked to me was to get information out of me.
and then tell my mother
she's known the whole time.
about corey.
about the breakup.
about the depression.
about the suicidal thoughts.
about the everything
i feel so betrayed.
i can never trust anyone now.
i'm never ever seeing a councillor again.
i'm never ever talking to another teacher again.
i'm never ever telling anyone my problems.
all they ever do is use the information and make my life hell.
my mom is so upset with me.
she has half a mind to not send me back.
she thinks i'm not in a "strong enough state" to go back.
bull.
if i stay here, i'd go crazy.
she'd control my life to the max.
she'll control what i eat
what i do
where i go
when i come back.
i'll become the stupid dependent daughter that i used to be.
no independence.
i hate my mother at the moment.
i don't know why i'm saying this.
but i am.
i hate her.
she's ruining my life.
"you can only go to melbourne because i want all the sisters to stay together"
no thank you. i'm not stayng with ash. don't you understand? you said it yourself, its a "personality clash" between the both of us. we can't live in the same house together. it will be better if we don't live together. i actually think that being apart keeps the relationship sane and managable. and i'm not letting you ruin my future. one of my goals in life is to graduate from an ivy league. and i'm gonna do it. i don't care that the fees are sky high and i'm gonna be far away from everyone. i don't care. its a goal and i'm gonna achieve it. i've already decided to pay half of the fees myself. i'm getting a job this year anyways. i'll just save the money from there and work extra during the hols to get more money. i don't care if you don't agree. if i pay for my own school fees, there's nothin you can do to stop me from following my dreams.
and btw, i think you are too kind to ash. you scold me. you shout at me. you say what you think to my face. but you neverdo it to ash. you're too scared to say anything to her cos you know she'll just get mad and she won't talk to you. so it's alright to take out all your frustration on your other daughter, right?
you say that ashwin's had a horrible teenage life and childhood. well, thats a little selfish of you isn't it? yeah, i agree that she was very affected with everything. but so was i. and erwin. and jasmin. and sukhwin. everyone was affected by what you and dad were doing. it's all your fault. you guys ruined our childhoods. thanks a lot. i hate you guys for that and i will never ever forgive you guys. ash was NOT the only one affected by everything. I was so affected by everything. i used to go to school early and study there cos i didn't wanna be at home with you guys. i was ashamed of being part of the family. i hated it when you guys fought. cos you guys used to put your own children in a difficult situation. i still remember that once when i was really young and i was sitting on dad's lap you said "don't sit with your dad come here" and you just yanked me away from him and said something like "he's a bad person". i still remember. that was the first time i really saw your problems. and i hated it. i felt so heartbroken and hurt that you guys were so angry with each other. i just wished that everything would be fine and you guys would love each other. but you don't. i really cut me deep. and you don't seem to realise that.
i don't wanna go on too much cos i think i've said enough. i just want you to know you i hate you for what you said to me today. i really do. i can never forgive you for what you said. i can't.
i hate my own mother
i am the most cruel person in the world.
but i can't bring myself to love her anymore.
@ 1:28 AM
  :)
yesterday was such an exciting day
lol
firstly, when i woke up in the morning i was greeted by the face of none other than the dadi
lol x2
she suddenly turned up in my house to "visit" us.
then chacha and his sons came over
god damn it
i almost died
i hate them.
gr
anyways, after that, my day was a lot better.
i took a shower and went to pick up dal and sukhwin from punjabi school.
taltinter came back with me and we ate some pizza.
then we just lazed around in my room for hours
talking/flirting to some guys on her msn.
we msned till like 5 30 then took a shower.
lol
and apparently, i was supposed to wash my hair.
tal was gonna do my hair for me.
i didn't know that.
so we had our first exciting moment: sink hair-washing.
lol x3
it was really funny
cos the sink was so small
tal was using a bucket to pour water over my head.
everything was wet.
even my bra
LOL
and then she realised there was a little shower thingy there.
grrrrr
.........
it was really funny
then we waited for the ahnushka to come.
then we got ready
took a lot of photos
and went down
had starters
dr. dhara was there
:)
and so was dr. mitra and my dad's uncle and aunt.
and my uncle and his family.
they were all so nice.
except my uncle of course.
all he was doing was staring.
i mean, whats his problem?
and his wife.
and his stupid daugther with the fake accent.
and ashwin loves them.
she can go fuck herself
i'm over ash
i'm decided and i'm never ever talking to her unless she changes her ways
i'm sick of trying to be nice to her when all she does is treat me like shit.
and i'm so pissed off with everyone for sucking up to her.
just to stay on her good side.
she's not a good person and i don't believe that she deserves my respect.
good riddance to her.
i know you've put my mother against me and i don't appreciate it.
you go hang out with masi if you wanna.
i hate you.
go to hell.
haha it was kinda funny actually.
she was giving dal and ahnu and me death stares the whole time.
and she was bitching about us to aunty ranjeet and her daughters.
whatever.
anyways we had a great time.
the food was awesome duh.
i mean, uncle david cooked it
yummy stuff.
and then we had some jelly and then had the tiramisu
then dal and ahnu gave me my pressies.
lol.
i got a pair of heels, some mac makeup and a bikini.
cute stuff.
:D
it was a great night.
im lovin the pressies.
YAY
Thursday, January 11, 2007 @ 7:28 AM
  HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!:)
Tuesday, January 09, 2007 @ 4:12 AM
  hello there.
haven't talked in a while.
today was a horrible and great day at the same time.
is that even possible?
lol.
well....
i had an appointment at medspa at 2
so i went there
got a facial and blue light therapy
it was very very relaxing
this is prolly the best spa i've ever been to.
ended up buying their sunscreen (cos its the BEST sunscreen EVER like seriously its not a bit oily or greasy i love it!) and face exfoliant (it smells like mandarins :D)
and bloody hell it wasnt cheap
the friggin sunscreen (for a rather small bottle i must say) cost me (or rather my mom) $68
O_O
yes.
but i guess the sunscreen is like the best sunscreen i have ever tried ever
so its understandable
i mean, they put it on my face before i left...
which was at 4
and my skin is not a bit oily or greasy or anything
its still as smooth as ever
and its like 8 15 now.
wow.
usually my face goes oily in like 1/2hr
so this is really gd stuff.
oh well.
then the bad stuff started happening.
i'm sick of people thinking that they can take advantage of me
just cos i don't believe in physical violence does not mean that you should take that as a cue to use it as much as possible on me.
you know, maybe if you were a little less violent and a little more nice, people would actually like you...as in respect you...instead of liking you because they're scared of what will happen if they don't.
you hit me hard.
right on the lungs
i could feel the handprint on me for like an hour after that.
and all i get is an angry i'm sorry just cos mom's standing there?
no thank you.
you see, i knew i couldnt actually last 2 weeks without fighting with you at least a few times
and i was right.
but seriously, i don't appreciate being used as a punching bag.
no thank you.
i am worth much more than that.
you should really start acting a little more mature.
cos you are the most immature, insensitive little brat i've ever known.
:)
good day to you too.
Saturday, January 06, 2007 @ 7:41 AM
  i hate it when people fight.
don't you?
it just ruins your whole day.
especially when you live with those people.
ugh.
ash, you're too stubborn for your own good and maybe if you a little nicer, and less rude, people would be more comfortable talking to you instead of fearing you.
dad, you should have let it drop. but then again, you're just as stubborn as ash.
what can i say?
match made in heaven.
and mom, i know that dad's given you shit the past years
and i know that your still recovering from everything.
but don't think that you're the only person thats been affected by everything.
lets see...
1. you have an overly-confident, arrogant, self-absorbed stubborn daughter who can't seem to graduate from uni. she has isolated herself from the world and thinks that she doesn't need friends cos they're not good enough for her. all she ever has is bad luck cos she hates god. she hides behind her tough, gym persona to act macho.
2. you have a son who is so baby-ed by you that he can't stand up on his own two feet and thinks that you're gonna be around forever to take care of him. he is lazy and sleeps the whole day. he doesn't wanna work and hates his own father.
3. then you have me. the perfectionist who tries to pretend that everything is ok. she doesn't want to see you disappointed or upset again so she gets perfect grades, never does anything wrong and even if she did, she would never tell you cos she wouldn't wanna see you disappointed. and omg it doesn't even end there. your daughter is a freak. no wonder she hardly has any friends who bother to talk to her. she has a friggin eating problem. she thinks she's fat. she's either not eating, picking on veggies, eating one meal a day, throwing up the ice cream she had, or bingeing and then feeling so guilty that she doesn't eat for the rest of the day. wow this ones prolly the most fucked up of the lot.
4. next one is in her own world half the time. and i wonder why. she pretends to act all blur and 'i don't know whats going on' but she really does know everything. she hides behind her books and her anime and her computers and acts all mean and macho cos she's forgotten how to show emotion. she coops herself up at home and never wants to go out and at home, she isolates herself from everyone and hardly answers when you talk to her.
5. this ones so afraid that one day you might leave us that she's clinging on for her dear life. for god's sake, she's turning 13 and she still sleeps in your room. all she ever says is 'i love you mommy' and 'i love you daddy' and 'i love you pretty' and clings on to everyone like a leech. she never stops hugging you guys. she's so emotionally unstable that she's clinging onto you guys, as if she's afraid that you're gonna go someday.
there you have it. your fucked up children. you must be really proud.
you say you might just kill yourself in front of all of us one day.
i wanna see you try.
it's not like you ever bothered to keep your fights and violence a secret when we were young.
for crying out loud, you guys used to throw stuff at each other right in front of us!
and that time you chased dad with the knife.
i still remember.
you may say that you were so depressed that you couldn't think straight.
and hopefully that was the case.
but don't ever for a second think that your marital problems did not affect your children one bit.
Thursday, January 04, 2007 @ 8:12 PM
  ____________________
you have no faith in me do you?
you don't think i can do anything in my life?
you think i'm a failure?
you think you're gonna do better than me?
fine.
i don't give a shit.
and honestly, i don't think i need to.
just a little piece of advice...
maybe you should look at your own life before having a go at mine.
you're so up yourself you think you're too good for university.
well thats where you're wrong
if you think you're so good
give me a good friggin reason why you can't pass your friggin psychology?
of all subjects
you don't know how to make decisions
you have wasted our parent's money
and you wanna judge me on what i want to do?
you think i'm not gonna make a difference?
fine.
i don't need your support.
not one bit of it.
do what you want
and say what you want.
i'll show you.
when you're struggling out there in the world
and begging me for help
you'll realise your mistake.
you'll be very very sorry you ever said that.
____________________
Wednesday, January 03, 2007 @ 6:14 AM
  i should really be sleeping now
oh well.
i'll go to bed in a bit.
hehe...
i saw the taltinter today
looking very the smoking hot in the crescent uniform
haha
yesh
YAY
tal and the ahnu are coming over next saturday!
:D
haha
will be the very very fun
i cannot the wait.
wtf wats with my accent?
lol
must stopp....
ok
stop
done.
now...
going to vivocity tmr
shoppingshoppingshopping
yayness
:D
with mom, ash and erwin.
:)
one big happy sisterly tribe
can't wait
shopping
i love shopping
:) x2
and yesh.
i can't think of anything else to say
so byebye.
[for now of course]
