i'm sick of this. i'm sick of my life. i just wish everything would stop. i feel betrayed. i feel used. like the only reason why they talked to me was to get information out of me. and then tell my mother she's known the whole time. about corey. about the breakup. about the depression. about the suicidal thoughts. about the everything i feel so betrayed. i can never trust anyone now. i'm never ever seeing a councillor again. i'm never ever talking to another teacher again. i'm never ever telling anyone my problems. all they ever do is use the information and make my life hell. my mom is so upset with me. she has half a mind to not send me back. she thinks i'm not in a "strong enough state" to go back. bull. if i stay here, i'd go crazy. she'd control my life to the max. she'll control what i eat what i do where i go when i come back. i'll become the stupid dependent daughter that i used to be. no independence. i hate my mother at the moment. i don't know why i'm saying this. but i am. i hate her. she's ruining my life. "you can only go to melbourne because i want all the sisters to stay together" no thank you. i'm not stayng with ash. don't you understand? you said it yourself, its a "personality clash" between the both of us. we can't live in the same house together. it will be better if we don't live together. i actually think that being apart keeps the relationship sane and managable. and i'm not letting you ruin my future. one of my goals in life is to graduate from an ivy league. and i'm gonna do it. i don't care that the fees are sky high and i'm gonna be far away from everyone. i don't care. its a goal and i'm gonna achieve it. i've already decided to pay half of the fees myself. i'm getting a job this year anyways. i'll just save the money from there and work extra during the hols to get more money. i don't care if you don't agree. if i pay for my own school fees, there's nothin you can do to stop me from following my dreams. and btw, i think you are too kind to ash. you scold me. you shout at me. you say what you think to my face. but you neverdo it to ash. you're too scared to say anything to her cos you know she'll just get mad and she won't talk to you. so it's alright to take out all your frustration on your other daughter, right? you say that ashwin's had a horrible teenage life and childhood. well, thats a little selfish of you isn't it? yeah, i agree that she was very affected with everything. but so was i. and erwin. and jasmin. and sukhwin. everyone was affected by what you and dad were doing. it's all your fault. you guys ruined our childhoods. thanks a lot. i hate you guys for that and i will never ever forgive you guys. ash was NOT the only one affected by everything. I was so affected by everything. i used to go to school early and study there cos i didn't wanna be at home with you guys. i was ashamed of being part of the family. i hated it when you guys fought. cos you guys used to put your own children in a difficult situation. i still remember that once when i was really young and i was sitting on dad's lap you said "don't sit with your dad come here" and you just yanked me away from him and said something like "he's a bad person". i still remember. that was the first time i really saw your problems. and i hated it. i felt so heartbroken and hurt that you guys were so angry with each other. i just wished that everything would be fine and you guys would love each other. but you don't. i really cut me deep. and you don't seem to realise that.
i don't wanna go on too much cos i think i've said enough. i just want you to know you i hate you for what you said to me today. i really do. i can never forgive you for what you said. i can't. i hate my own mother i am the most cruel person in the world. but i can't bring myself to love her anymore.
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♥Prettylicious
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